and closer to Christmas, and it seems ex no 2's habits have not changed.  the Pea and I are going up to stay with him for Christmas.  I've always felt bad that he is on his own every Christmas, far away from his family in England, and far away from his daughter.  of course, it is his choice, but, still. 

so we are going to stay with him for two and a half weeks over Christmas.  I got the tickets cheap months ago.  when I first booked them, he was delighted.  we'll have a great time, he said.  I'll book us into a hotel for a Christmas meal, he said.  you won't have to cook, he said.

now he says it looks like he will work on Christmas day because the money is really good.  and it turns out that it's quite expensive to eat out on Christmas day (who knew that she says sarcastically).  so it's looking like I will be cooking while he's at work...he hasn't said as much yet, but...

of course I haven't said a word, other than to agree that the money for working on Christmas day is, indeed, good.  and that yes, eating out on the day is expensive.  so I have no-one but myself to blame.

lame lame lame

so I think it is my habits that have not changed...where he is concerned I am still pathetic.

I'm working hard preparing some arty crafty bits for our local Christmas market and haven't had time for anything else...haven't visited friends, haven't had more than a couple of drinks, haven't worked on any of my bigger long term projects for about a month.

I've made hearts with birds appliqued and embroidered on them, babushka doll angels in reproduction civil war fabrics, larger hanging birds in modern, clean Christmas tones, needle keepers with redwork covers and other little fancies.  and I have more cut out, half made, ear marked in books than I will have time to make...

I love making smaller things, especially Christmas ornaments and decorations.  because the Pea and I are going away for Christmas I've decided not to decorate...which I'm finding a bit hard, so I did up a little tree today. 

it's only whetted my apetite for more...

I've decided to move to blogger or wordpress or somewhere else because I want to post photos and change the nature of my blog to include more of my arty life.  not that I think it will become a craft blog, but just to encompass more of that side of my life through photos.  I need to decide where to move to, buy the house and decorate before I invite guests...

have a little arvo sleep...now I am grumpy and not really awake and just want to go to bed...but really it's too early and I'd wake up at some ridiculous hour and not be able to get back to sleep...so I'll just be grumpy as all shit until I do go to bed.

and we have a kitten staying with us and I know I'll regret giving in to the Pea and letting him stay here...it doesn't look very healthy (weepy eyes, snuffly nose, very very skinny) and will have to go to the vet pronto...and of course we can really afford that.  if we didn't take it though it was going to the Council and do you even believe they still shoot stray cats and dogs with bullets.  they put cats in a cage and shoot them.  dogs they put on the end of a leash and shoot them. 

I am not what you would call a soft person.  but I could not leave a kitten to get shot.  the Pea and I have talked about it and if the kitten has cat flu and can't be made well, we will pay to have him put down in a humane way.  so we have provided him with nice food, a comfortable place to sleep and a couple of toys, and tomorrow he will go to the vet.  if he does have to be put down, at the very least we've made his last day a happy one.

I still feel terrible about the whole thing though.  he is a sweet little thing, very affectionate and not afraid of us at all.

and his name is Wombat.

passes, and like sands through the ...

it was my birthday at the weekend.  a lovely day was had, out for a slightly boozy lunch with V & K, and back to theirs for cake, then takeaway at my sisters.  fish and chips.  well, scallops and a potato cake really for me.  then a bought swiss roll decorated with little violet crumbles.  with a candle.

gifts, I received a dvd of 'the cook and the chef', that abc cooking show which I really love but never seem to watch from the Pea, and some lovely handmade gifts from some crafty friends.  and the most gorgeous pip berry willow tree from V & K, I've always wanted one and now - well dang it, I've got one!

and today a couple of long yellow notes in a card from ex no. 2.  $100 just to spend on me.  not bills, not food, not some other crap, just me.  yes I know $100 isn't loads of moolah, but when it is all to play with it is a fair amount.  he is a sweet, sweet man.

tomorrow we have a morning long 'productivity' meeting.  oh I am so not in the mood.

feeling niggly about a meeting is not, of course, helped by lack of sleep, which I've been suffering from for too many nights.  I need a holiday.  counting the weeks is going to turn to counting the days. 

 

drip by drip.  this time last year I was casual flinging with S and finding myself becoming a bit obssessed with him...it was his birthday this last week, yet I didn't go look him up.  we've never said it's all over but my mind seems to have just stopped going there.  I think it really is over this time.

m has broken up with his love...they seemed so good together...yet I never thought it would last.  no reason, she's lovely and they were very in love.  I just got a sense of temporaryness from them, if there is such a word.  he is completely heartbroken, I am hoping he doesn't spin out of control, however it is the habit of his lifetime...

today I am off to a smaller town for a sewing retreat.  a whole day of sewing, chatting, lunch and shopping.  four designers are coming and they are contributing to a gift bag for participants, which will include patterns, kits etc.  I've even lined the Pea up to make our dinner, so that the day is completely free of house type intrusions.  bliss

and it's that time of year when we have days that are like early morning all day,  cloudy, warm enough and so quiet apart from the birds...  beautiful days.

 

tuesday night is a complete smorgasbord of crap tv.  we start at 10.30 with 'off the runway' on channel seven, a behind the scenes look at
'make me a supermodel'.  we get to see the potential models at leisure, having a 'girl's night in' and seeing close up shots of just how disgusting a kitchen can get when a group of teenage minds collide.  follow this up with channel flicking, between 'bunnies of the playboy mansion' on nine and 'beauty and the geek' on seven.  thankfully it was the last episode of the geek last night, as I was wearing out my remote control.  and now I've discovered 'shipwrecked',  cunningly hidden away after the late news on nine.       

with this kind of quality viewing is it any wonder I am sleep deprived and run late for work on wednesdays?

with old friends.  friends you don't see often but who you've known since you were in primary school. 

I have a friend who I grew up with.  she has had a fair bit of illness and misfortune in her life.  really more than her share.

we are old friends, but not really close friends.  I've come and gone a bit, geographically speaking, and she is one of those friends who doesn't run around others, she waits for you to call her.  which I've always done, irregularly it has to be said, but at least two or three times a year, more often when I've lived locally.

she moved about 18 months ago and didn't contact me with her new details.  she lives on a rural property.  she's a horsey person.  with horses.

I've grown somewhat of a backbone since the split with ex no. 2, and had decided that I wouldn't investigate where she'd moved too, I would wait until I heard from her.  it never happened.  I felt a bit hurt, but, not a huge deal, these things happen, I'll see her when I see her.  I should add that when ex no. 2 and I split, she never once got in touch to ask how I was.  I visited her a few times and we talked then, but basically she's not been there for me during a pretty sad time for me.

ran into her in the super dooper.  she gives me her details, tells me I'm welcome any time and to come out to visit.  I tell her she's welcome at my place anytime too (I think she's visited me twice in seven years, and one of those times was to drop her kids off for me to babysit).  she says she knows that but....she's been depressed.  she hasn't seen anyone much.

she got tears in her eyes.  I felt bad.  awful.  I said I'd see her soon.

but now I feel a bit cross.  I mean, 18 months and she can't pick up the phone?  I know depression can be debilitating, but I also know (from other sources) that she's been in a relationship for most of that time, that her children are attending school and she is caring for them.  which to me says she's functioning.  but not enough to be a friend to me. 

so now I've got a tussle going on in my brain.  leave it lie.  or go visit her.  listen to her and be a friend, although she can't do that for me.  or let it go, stand up for myself.  and feel like shit.

make an insurance claim.  we had terrible wind storms here yesterday and my rose covered archway fell over, taking the letterbox with it.  I've never made an insurance claim before, in twenty odd years of paying insurance premiums.  oh, apart from that time in england when the bath upstairs leaked through the kitchen ceiling.  and the ceiling started to fall in.   just a bit.

funny how you forget the good times. 

so now I have to get a builder to look at the old arch which is lying on it's side in a terribly undignified way in the front garden.  because the insurance will cover taking it away, so I can't move it.  it just looks so sad.

the Pea has been unwell.  so unwell that the doctor sent her for blood tests.  her iron levels are low, we have known that for a while and been trying to rectify them, now he thinks she may have anemia.  or glandular fever.  he sent her to get a 'general tiredness screen'.  a term I'd never heard before.  she seems a bit better after a few days off school. 

and it's freezing again.  getting down to zero tonight.  roll on sweet sunny days. 

to sin?  I've washed my hair, exfoliated the bod, put on my lucky jumper.  once it would have been lucky knicks but I don't plan on getting quite that lucky.

and what am I going to do tonight?

meet up with three old friends, sit around a patio heater, drink beer and talk bullshit. 

they will be in their work clothes, overalls, jeans, steel capped boots.  three men who all do manual labour for a living.   I'll be the only woman.  always am at this particular venue.  so why all the fuss?  I don't really know.  it's not for any nefarious purposes.  I certainly don't have designs on any of them.  just so they remember.  that I'm a woman.

well with the amount of coco chanel I've just sprayed about the place, they won't forget in a hurry.

ok I admit I am not very fussy where films are concerned.  I'm not crazy about comedies, and I don't like horror.  but apart from that, I can easily get caught up in really quite bad films.  but this one you should see.

I had rather a movie packed weekend really.  started with 'Control', the story of Ian Curtis of Joy Division fame.  went on the 'Lars and the Real Girl', a story of community and love of family.  then last night 'Gods & Monsters', about the last days of James Whale, a gay film director and artist.  I'd seen it before, but thought why not.  today I watched 'Snowcake', with themes of loss, and facing life in spite of grief.

all good, even great films.  but none of them are the one you really must see.

I also saw 'The Counterfeiters' at the cinema.  this is the film you must see.  it's an Austrian film, and won the best foreign language film at this year's oscars.  it is based on the true story of Operation Bernhard, a nazi plan to counterfeit british and american currency and flood their respetive economies with it.  various Jewish experts in printing, typography etc. are coerced into assisting with the operation in a concentration camp.  I won't say anymore, if you want to know more you can look for it on the interwebs.  I prefer to know as little about a film as possible before I go and see it. 

after the film finished, I was so affected that I couldn't even cry (normally I have a good cry if a film touches me).  I haven't been so affected by a film for a long time.

I should say there are some shocking scenes in the concentration camp, and it is certainly not child friendly. 

I don't want to take anything away from all the other movies I've seen this weekend, they were all good.  no duds at all.   but if you want something that will really leave a mark, try 'The Counterfeiters'.